Unacceptable Behaviors

Here are some tips on how to stop or prevent behaviors that create problems for you and other people around your loved one.(1) State what behaviors are unacceptable and why. Keep it short and simple: “Please be quiet at night. When you make noise, I can’t have a good sleep and have a headache the next day”; “Do not bang on walls – this disturbs the neighbors and they may call police or complain to the apartment complex manager”; “I don’t want electric outlets in my house getting unscrewed, please put that screwdriver down.”

(2) Seek together for safe alternatives to unacceptable behaviors. Instead of banging on walls, suggest punching a pillow, soft furniture, or even buy a punching bag. Ask the person to go to the basement when they have an urge to yell. If you live in an apartment, suggest yelling into a pillow or a mattress so that the sound is muffled.

(3) Ask the person why they do what they do. For example, somebody unscrews an electric outlet because they feel it is channeling some evil forces. Ask them, “What would make you feel better around outlets? What if we put safety covers over them, or place a screen between the outlet and your bed?”

Focus on creating a sense of safety, not on arguing. If people feel safe and secure, they are more likely to think rationally. You can start challenging the reality of the “outlet monsters” when your loved one does not have intense fear and anxiety anymore. If you tell them outright that their fears are not real, they may become more paranoid.